GET US TWO ABSOLUT MARTINIS
By Michael Goerlich
“Get us two Absolut martinis. You know how I like ‘em, straight up. In 7 and 1/2 minutes, you will bring us two more, then two more every 5 minutes after that, until one of us passes the f*** out.”
No drink is more synonymous with business than the martini.
The mere mention of the cocktail’s name conjures images of meetings in office board rooms in towering skyscrapers, business dinners in restaurants with white table linens, and after-hours sales pitches over drinks in opulent hotel bars.
It is said that more business relationships have begun and ended over this iconic cocktail than all others combined.
It is said that more business relationships have begun and ended over this iconic cocktail than all others combined.
Ice-cold and clear and still, devoid of gimmicks like straws or carbonation or muddled fruit or sweeteners, the martini makes no effort to mask its booziness. Like a cup of coffee, it is not something you drink because you’re thirsty; you drink it for how it makes your mind feel.
Unlike an amaretto sour or Long Island iced tea – or even a vodka and soda – the martini is a public declaration that you like the taste of alcohol. As such, it is a very serious drink. That is why it is the perfect cocktail to signal to prospective clients that you’re a serious person who is here for serious activities like discussing business. It is a signal that you are to be taken seriously.
The martini is an elevated drink. That is why it’s fitting that it is traditionally served in an equally elevated glass. Cocktails served in rocks glasses are hidden by the hand of the person drinking them, but the martini proudly skylines itself by riding in plain view, just above the hand of the drinker. Even when sitting on the bar top, it towers over lesser drinks.
The V-shaped bowl of the martini glass makes it incredibly easy to spill, even with just half a drink left. Thus the martini forces you to pay attention to it, particularly while moving and mingling in a cocktail party or crowded lounge. It regulates you, forcing you to choose between slowing down (your intake) or sitting down. It commands wariness and care, lest you spill it on some hapless passer-by. This formidable cocktail’s seemingly precarious vessel calms even the most animated speaker, as it keeps you from gesturing wildly while talking with your hands.
“The three martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency. Where else can you get an earful, a bellyful and a snootful at the same time?”
The martini remains the only cocktail that has a meal named after it. No one is quite sure exactly when the term “three martini lunch” entered the American lexicon, but what is certain is that it refers specifically to a white-collar business lunch. A plumber drinking three beers on the job site during his lunch break would be viewed as “getting drunk at work” or “being wildly irresponsible,” but a sales executive powering through volleys of martinis with a client over shrimp cocktail and a salade niçoise is just “getting business done the way business gets done.”
Martinis are the traffic cops of these lunches. They direct the flow and pace of the conversation. The first martini lets everyone catch up on personal life pleasantries, like spouses and kids and pets. The second martini is when the business talk starts to get unpacked. By the third martini, they’re either signing the contract, or hailing an Uber.
The martini’s ubiquity within the business world doesn’t stop at the midday meal. From airport lounges to hotel lobby bars, the martini is the traveling business executive’s icebreaker and social lubricant. But of all the environments where business drinking can occur, the trade show remains the ultimate showcase for the universality of the martini.
It’s impossible to talk about trade shows without first acknowledging that there is perhaps no city better suited to host them than Las Vegas – a city which is, itself, inexorably tied to the martini.
I have been attending trade shows in Las Vegas for over half of my 25-year career in sales. For those that might find themselves attending a Vegas trade show – like the National Shooting Sports Foundation’s “SHOT Show” at The Sands – and at the risk of coming off like a discount-bin Kingsley Amis knock-off (whose 1983 book “Everyday Drinking” should be required reading in every university’s business school), allow me to share a few observations and pro-tips from a seasoned road warrior when it comes to navigating the delicate relationship between martinis and business at a Las Vegas trade show:
Drinking at trade shows is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s one thing to enjoy a three-martini lunch with colleagues. It’s another thing to have a three-martini lunch at noon, then go to a cocktail reception at 3:00, and then take a client out for pre-dinner drinks, drinks with dinner, after-dinner drinks, and then stop for a nightcap with your friends at the lobby bar after they spotted you walking back to your room from the cab stand. It is yet another thing entirely to do this for five days in a row. Pace yourself. Do not confuse a trade show with a bachelor party.
If you normally only drink a couple Miller Lites at home after work, don’t get off the plane in Vegas and start drinking martinis. Doing so is a surefire way to turn your night into a re-enactment of the movie The Hangover.
It’s actually easier to walk around with a martini without spilling it if you grasp the stem of the glass down by the base, rather than up by the bowl. It seems counter-intuitive, but it works beautifully and also helps your drink stay cold longer.
Because martinis are perceived by most to be “expensive” drinks, your friends are far less likely to offer to buy you another round than if you were drinking a bottle of beer or a vodka and soda.
If you order a dirty martini, you’re likely going to pay the same amount for less booze. This is because most of the time, that olive brine is occupying between 0.5 to 0.75 ounce of liquid volume that would otherwise be taken up by gin or vodka.
If you need a snack, order an appetizer; don’t ask for extra bleu cheese olives. First, the bartenders hate that request – and it’s never a good idea to get on the bad side of your bartender. But worse than that, a skewer of three to four jumbo bleu cheese olives is just taking up space that could be holding gin or vodka. Even if the bartender doesn’t short your pour, the moment he drops that tree branch of olives in your glass, you’ve just donated the better part of an ounce of your drink to the bar mat.
The crux of the matter is that the martini serves an essential role in the conduct of commerce. The post-Covid world, where remote work has permanently altered the office landscape by removing much of the in-person elements of business activity, has only magnified the importance of the meal time and happy hour rituals that have been observed around the martini for generations. The martini is truly the cocktail of capitalism.
Drink Like Michael
3 oz Tanqueray No. 10 Gin
.5 oz Boissiere Dry Vermouth
1-2 dashes orange bitters
I like to keep my gin in the freezer, as well as my martini glass and mixing glass.
Conversely, I prefer my vermouth at room temperature to maximize the aromatic notes.
Place the gin, vermouth, and bitters in the mixing glass from the freezer. Add ice, and stir briskly for ~20 seconds. Strain into the martini glass from the freezer, and garnish with a wide twist of lemon peel.
Drink Like The Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra
Although best known for his affinity for Jack Daniels and Chivas Regal, Mr. Sinatra was also known to frequently enjoy a martini. According to Victor Gower, former head bartender of the American Bar at The Savoy Hotel in London, “The Voice” liked his martinis on the rocks:
“Frank was a regular guest. Whenever he was in London, he’d stay at The Savoy and come for a drink in The American Bar, but he never spoke directly to us. He’d either stand at the bar or take a table in the middle of the room for him and his guests. Where he positioned himself might change, but he was always very particular about his choice of drinks. He’d go for a classic Martini—Beefeater gin with a shadow of vermouth, served on the rocks with a twist of lemon. And we had to make sure his glass was filled with ice. ”
About the author:
Michael Goerlich has been a B2B sales professional for 25 years. For the last 18 years, he has been the owner of a major polymer accessory manufacturer in the firearms industry. He also heads a consulting agency that advises companies in the manufacturing and technology sectors on sales-channel and pricing strategies to enhance their top-line performance. He can be reached at mgoerlich@thresholdsc.com.
