YOU’RE DRINKING THAT WRONG

by Brandon Bartlett

Let's get this out of the way. No, you’re not. In the world of alcohol, there are a lot of experts and “know-it-alls.” Some of them call themselves brand ambassadors or mixologists or sommeliers or cicerone or whiskey bloggers. Sometimes the guy that thinks he knows more than everyone else in the room is your neighbor Kevin. Kevin will only drink high-proof cask-strength whiskey and lounges in a Lazy-Boy in his garage with a Chihuahua that sleeps on his belly while he tells you the only way to drink whiskey is neat, with no ice or mixers. He’ll continue to let you know that if you do it any other way, you’re doing it wrong! I’m not a big Kevin fan. Here’s the deal. A lot of those people and titles I mentioned earlier really do know their stuff and want to guide you. Also, a lot of them really go out of their way not to be pretentious A-holes.

Everyone has different tastes. Yes, I think we can all agree on the basics like spoiled milk is bad and Ghost Peppers are hot but in between, there’s a world of differing opinions on what tastes good and how things should be made or consumed. That often leads to discussions or opinions on how things should be drunk. These days topics range from which is better, Pilsner beers or the often more bitter IPAs. Some imbibers discuss peated versus non-peated Scotches. There are those that think the only way you should truly enjoy a whiskey is neat while others swear by putting a large cube in their glass. I get asked the ice question a lot. For me, it depends on the whiskey. If I’m drinking something really old and expensive by rule, I’ll drink it neat without ice. If I’m drinking a really high-proof bourbon, think 100 or higher, I’ll enjoy it with a large ice cube. The main reason for a large cube is to cool the whiskey while only diluting it a little. Small ice melts fast and waters down your drink quicker.

A two-inch cube will add just a touch of water and bring down the proof a bit to something more manageable. I find that when I drink really high-proof alcohol neat my taste buds get shocked and kind of shut down. It’s like they get scared and run for shelter. Do what tastes right to you. Drink it neat, add a cube, or even just add a splash of clean water.

OK, what’s next? Who’s drinking cocktails wrong? Once again, there are some general rules to follow but do whatever tastes best to you. A year or so back Stanley Tucci went viral when he made a Negroni at home and posted the video. For those of you that haven’t had a Negroni, it’s a delicious blend of equal parts gin, sweet vermouth, and Italian bitter liqueur. The video went viral for several reasons but one was that a lot of people thought he was making it wrong. “YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG STANLEY” one poster proclaimed. One of the general rules of cocktails is when a drink is all alcohol, meaning no mixer, like a Negroni, you stir it to chill it down. Mr. Tucci shook the hell out of it and that’s what started bartenders near and far sharing and commenting on the video. The only time you shake a drink is when citrus juices or dairy is involved. The idea being you want to emulsify two liquids that normally wouldn’t want to easily mix. That’s why there’s always been controversy with James Bond, Mr. 007, ordering his martinis shaken not stirred. The general consensus is that he’s doing wrong, but why not? If you like your gin or vodka icy cold and watered down then more power to you! That’s your preference.

I was working for a rum company years ago and the Master Distiller and I were making the rounds in Vegas visiting all the hotels that served our rum. We were doing a seminar and tasting for about twenty bartenders at the Bellagio. The final rum of the class was a really good single-barrel rum that wasn’t cheap. As we all sat there enjoying the hell out of the last few sips one of the bartenders told the Master Distiller that a few days ago a guy sitting at his bar ordered one of the single barrel rums with Coke. The bartender then continued that he refused to serve it to the guy explaining that it would be a crime and the rum was too good to alter. The bartender then asked if that was right or wrong. The distiller thought for a second and then said, “Hey, if you like rum and Coke and you’re in Vegas, why not have the best rum and Coke in the world!”

I use experts in any field to guide me. I don’t take their word as gospel. I get the basics from them and then I do my own experimentation. Alcohol is fun. Cocktails are fun. Trying new things is fun. Your homework is to try a Negroni shaken and then one stirred and see which you like best. You can make it at home or belly up to the bar and order. Me, I’m going to go make a Negroni with mezcal instead of gin because no one tells me what to do. Not even my neighbor Kevin and his stupid dog.

Cheers!

Brandon Bartlett is the Director of Spirits for a major liquor distributor and has been in the industry for 30 years. Connect with Brandon on Instagram @barrelstrength